Return Of The Creepy Personal Trainer!

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The Gym where I worked out while I was in college had this one personal trainer who just blasted the room with his creepy vibe.

I wish I was making his outfit up, because he wore the high tops with the air pump in the tongue, TIGHT bicycle shorts, spaghetti strap tank top, weightlifting belt (all the time!), and fingerless workout gloves.  Eeeew.

He only accepted women as his clients and tried to put the personal in personal trainer.

Of course, he needed to be tossed out of the gym, but since the trainers at this place paid rent, they weren’t employees and could basically do whatever they wanted.

This joker would massage butts in between sets of leg curls – “to increase blood flow to the area”

He was glued to the window into the aerobics studio whenever there was a yoga class.

If there were no women in the gym, he wouldn’t work out.  But when there were, he’d scream and yell as he screwed around on the weight machines.

And since he was so oblivious to his creep-itude, my training partners and I could openly copy and exaggerate his actions.  It got to where it was so bad that you were careful using the water fountain because a doppelganger creepy trainer dude would sneak up and grab your butt and say, “Yeah, you’re really firming up!”

I always hesitate to tell about this guy because it makes personal trainers look bad, where 99% of them genuinely want to help people get in shape.

But if you’ve spent any time in a gym, you’ve seen a creepy trainer dude.  Sometimes they aren’t even really trainers, just guys with nothing better to do than hang out in the fitness center and be sketchy.

Gotta admit though, they do provide some entertainment.

And the other day we were bored at the gym and shot a few videos of a mysterious sketchy personal trainer…

Ok, that guy needs some professional help.

And that was just unnecessary


That one is probably going to get me in trouble.

Here’s an actual text (slightly edited), about guys at the gym and losing weight:

Long story short – if you thought those videos were funny, awesome.  If they reminded you of the guys at your regular gym, quit going there and come hang out with some cool people  :)

~ Luke

At Least I’d Be Asleep…

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This is hilarious…

One Problem With Prescription Drugs…

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I have to admit it: ads on TV for prescription drugs kind of offend me.

I mean, isn’t that why I’m going to the doctor?  To find out what I should be doing?

Doctors probably HATE it.  It’s their expertise and people are reading a newspaper article and seeing a commercial and then come in and tell the Doc what’s wrong.  HOW THE HELL DOES A 30SECOND COMMERCIAL TRUMP 8 YEARS OF MEDICAL SCHOOL?

Anyhoo, check out this great video of Jake Johanssen poking fun at prescription drug ads:

Talk to you soon,

~ Luke
Carson City Personal Trainer

QuickTrim Commercial Makes Me Sad Inside

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Maybe I’m just weird, but I don’t think Kim Kardashian is hot.

And she’s certainly not fit.

So when I caught this commercial where she endorses QuickTrim weight loss supplements, it made me sad.

The music makes me think of 70’s porn films (don’t ask me how I know that), as does the whispered voice over.

Then she shoves her chest at the camera and asks “How hot do you want to be?

Quick note: QuicTrim didn’t give her those breasts.  Sorry.

But since I’m curious by nature, I decided to check out the ingredient list and see just exactly WHAT so many people are putting in their bodies.

You can read the product info at:

Ok, the “burn and cleanse” capsules contain 400mg of caffeine – which is equal to 4 or 5 cups of coffee.  They also contain black pepper and willow bark, both of which boost the potency of caffeine.

The caffeine in there is designed to raise your metabolism, but unless you burn a lot of calories while you jitter around, it won’t do much for your body.

There is also green tea extract, which might contain caffeine.  Green tea in its liquid form is good for you, concentrated forms are not.

And since it might contain caffeine, along with all of the other sources and boosters in the pills, if you wash this down with a cup of coffee you could overdose on caffeine and really mess up your heart.

The “IsoCleanse and Flush” pills have TWO kinds of laxatives:

  • Bulk laxatives: oat fiber, prunes, dates, & fig extracts
  • Stimulant laxatives: rhubarb, cascara, & senna

These pills are designed to speed up the movement of food through your intestines.  And unless you’re severely constipated, this is a BAD IDEA.

You’ll get dehydration and diarrhea (“How hot do you want to be?”), plus loss of nutrients.  On the bright side, you’ll weigh less.  Your body fat won’t have changed, but you’ll be nice and sick.

And even better, your system will become dependent on these pills for bowel movements, so you’ll become constipated if you ever stop supplementing.  You’ll also gain all the water weight back right away if you ever stop.

Bloated and constipated.  (“How hot do you want to be?”)

These pills also have a lot of diuretics in them, which will cause even more water loss and dehydration, without leading to any fat loss.

Added bonus: The ingredients juniper berry, uva ursi, and horsetail extract all become toxic over time.  Hooray!

Again, you’ll lose water weight, but not FAT weight.  And you’ll put every ounce of it back on.

While you’re dehydrated from these pills some of the side effects may be:

  • extreme exhaustion
  • severe muscle cramps
  • memory loss
  • coma
  • kidney stones
  • kidney failure
  • bloating
  • seizures

The rest of the supplements in this system are just more of the same: laxatives, stimulants, and diuretics.  Boooo.

Bottom line: These pills won’t help you lose weight, and they’ll do your body internal harm if you take them.

(Even flappers in the jazz age were taking weight loss pills.  Check out how fat Jane became slim Jane!)

Luke’s Famous 2 Word Speeches

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One of my clients recently compared me to the speaker Tony Robbins.

It flattered the heck out of me.  (Tony is awesome!)

Just one problem – my personal motivation speeches are too short.

When someone tells me they want to lose weight but don’t want to exercise or change what they eat, here’s the speech I give them:

“You’re lazy.”

If someone comes in and says they aren’t going to follow the advice they paid for in a consulting session, seminar, or course of mine, my two word speech is a little harsh:

“You’re stupid.”

Sometimes people announce that, in spite of overwhelming evidence that aerobic exercise actually causes muscle loss and fat gain, leads to more illnesses, and beats up your joints like a bookie with a baseball bat, that they are going to keep running for a hour a day anyway.  My response?

“You’re stubborn.”

Last week a woman told me she can’t follow her diet because she doesn’t want to lose weight and make her family and friends feel bad….

“You’re crazy.”

To people who order diet pills and “magnetic weight loss earrings,” I usually say:

“You’re deluded.”

See, most people aren’t willing to face reality.

The great author Robert Ringer wrote, “Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are.”

Until you own up to reality you can’t start making changes.  I use my rude two word speeches to try and wake people up to what they’re doing.

Here’s my last speech for the day: “Rock on!”

Fitness Celebrity Sounds Off On Fat

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When I first started my own fitness business, one of the most helpful people I met was the celebrity trainer Rocco Castellano.

Rocco is a really cool dude who knows his stuff COLD.  And he’s been on just about every news station out there.

Since this dude has trained Spike Lee, JFK Jr., Bonnie Raitt, Endless Beauty Pageant Contestants and Fitness Models I asked him to give me something for our blog.

I didn’t expect a rant like this….

Why should we accept Fat? …and the people who are fat?

By Rocco Catellano, CPT

I have read articles upon articles about the National Association for the Acceptance of Fat People; an organization that started out as a social group for chubby chasers and has now grown into a civil rights advocate group. I have always tried to help my fellow man in their quest for self improvement but I can never accept a mentality that is entitlistic and self destructive; a mentality that this association has built its whole platform.

Right off the bat, don’t start sending hate mail because you read the headline and think I’m some sadistic radical that believes all fat people should die. That’s just not true. The reality is that I’m fed up with FAT people believing that America and American citizens owe them something… because we don’t. You owe yourself the self respect of not asking people who try hard every day to not be a burden on the health care system and live healthy and unselfish lives to accept the way you want to live. Why should I accept the fact that fat people in general have placed a huge burden on the health care system?

Heart disease, Diabetes and Cancer are the three major causes of death in the United States and they are usually linked back to not just obesity but fatness. It’s amazing to me that I am told by Fat people every day that it isn’t their fault. I must have been punched in my head too many times when I boxed because I don’t know who else’s fault it could have been. I’m pretty sure that anyone who is fat can exercise, doesn’t have to eat like they are going to the chair.

Of course, the 2 big reasons I get that it isn’t their fault is 1) my genetics 2) a medical problem. I want to impart on you a little information: Genetics play a large role in weight and not fat. Most Americans are usually 20 lbs heavier than our European counterparts. Most of the weight is from muscle and bone not fat. You become fat because you store fuel. There is nothing in your DNA that provides for you to become fat. Lack of movement and over eating is why you get fat. Don’t blame your DNA. Certain thyroid conditions can cause weight gain but with the proper exercise programs and thyroxin treatment your fat gain can be managed. The percentage of this condition is 1% of 1%, so how can 65% of the population blame a faulty thyroid. Most of the problems with thyroid conditions are no one is willing to do the necessary work to keep their fat in check. They resign themselves to having a problem and let themselves stay fat. If you have broken your leg, do you need to do more work or less work to get your leg back to normal and what happens when you don’t do the necessary therapy? Exactly… nothing , and you walk with a limp the rest of your life.

The fatter you are the more work you need to do, not less. Anything that promises you quick results without work preys on your ignorance and more often stupidity. Gaining and losing fat is all a numbers game. That’s it…In a nutshell!

If you want to lose 30 lbs in thirty days don’t think you can sit around all day and do nothing. To burn one pound of fat per day you will need to expend 3500 calories during the course of that day over your basic caloric expenditure…and that takes work. You will need to change the way you look at food and they way you look at working out. You will need to learn how to burn as much fat as you can within the shortest amount of time.

The answer is not “cardio”. The answer is teaching your body and it’s systems to burn fat (fuel) consistently and limit your portions to not exceed your daily caloric consumption. If you believe you have no time to implement a basic workout program to get you started than nothing will help you and you should die of a heart attack sooner than later. It is our decision to stay fat and accepting fat like accepting the fact that we are Black, female, male, Asian, and other reasons why there are laws against discrimination is not going to change the reality that fat is a condition we place on ourselves. No one can change that condition but us, we need to look into our very being without excuses and change our attitudes and then begin the journey of self respect, self reliance and breath the freedom of self confidence.

About the Author

Rocco Castellano is an internationally recognized extreme weight loss specialist, certified personal trainer (CPT) and the author of the internationally popular fitness program Lose 30 in Thirty. Go to to get your FREE copy of your own Lose 30 in Thirty Starter Kit”

Carson City Self Defense For Women

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I get a little bit scared when I watch what they’re teaching in most women’s self-defense classes.

The instructors are having their class practice yelling “STOP!!”, showing how to put your keys in your fist, and other ineffective techniques.

What they SHOULD be teaching is how to seriously injure and disable an attacker.

When I was a bouncer at some rough bars we’d have guys whacked out of their minds on drugs and booze – yelling STOP wouldn’t have made a difference if they wanted to grab a woman on their way home.

Even doing something that *hurts*, like a juijitsu-based joint lock wouldn’t work; these guys were past the point of feeling pain.

The only thing that can stop a whacked-out attacker is injuring him.

Women should learn how to powerfully strike a target, to negate a larger attacker’s size and strength.

Here is a quick video of a woman practicing self-defense on your humble author:

See, she uses her forearm for a neck strike, which disrupts his nervous system.  Then she attacks the kidney with a bodyweight-powered strike.  This causes an involuntary arch back (no matter how “tough” someone is, injuring his kidney will cause him to do this).  She then grabs the attacker’s chin and slams his head into the concrete.

If he’s unconscious, she can make good her escape.  If not, she can stamp on his heart or testicles, strike him in the throat, or kick him in the temple to make sure he will not get up and chase her.

If you’re interested in learning REAL self defense, find an instructor who will teach you how to injure an attacker, no matter how big, strong, or whacked-out he is.

Carson City Self Defense For Women

I Didn’t Know This About Eagles…

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Eagles are pretty freakin’ cool birds.

Their wingspan ranges from 72 to 90 inches.

They can fly almost 2 miles high.

Eagles became the national emblem in 1782 when the great seal of the United States was adopted.

But I didn’t know what happens to eagles when they reach 40.  Check it out…


Wow.  That’s cool.

Kinda makes it seem silly to whine about getting up 30 minutes earlier to go to the gym, doesn’t it?

Paleo Man On Colbert Report

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Stephen Colbert actually took it easy on John Durant, a paleo dude from New York.  Do you think Colbert is planning on going paleo?

And there was a paleo vs. vegan showdown in the green room:

You can find out more about John Durant in this article from the New York Time: The New Age Cavemen and The City

Bookshelf Blueprints, Subtitles, And Fat Loss

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This weekend I put together a new bookshelf to help hold my growing collection of pulp-fiction mystery novels.

dress her in indigo john macdonald travis mcgee

Of course, I managed to put in two shelves upside down and put a hammer through the back.  (I had a mechanical bypass at 3 and haven’t been able to use tools ever since :))

It got all messed up because I didn’t bother reading the directions.  After all, I figured I knew how to put together a bookshelf better than the people who make bookshelves for a living.

ruined book shelf

Lesson learned.  I’ll read the instructions next time.

That wrecked bookshelf reminded me of a conversation yesterday.

She literally said, “I’m following my meal plan exactly, but instead of the veggie/egg omelete I had a muffin and a coffee for breakfast.”

muffin and latte

I hesitated to ask what kind of coffee she had.

“A Christmas gingerbread latte with skinny milk.”

That’s not quite the same.

Did you know that what people say comes with subtitles that only personal trainers can read?  It’s true.


Just today someone said, “It’s too hard – I want an EASIER diet.”

And the personal trainer subtitles read: “I’d rather eat garbage than look or feel any better.  I’m making a conscious decision to go ahead and get fatter because I love food more than I love myself.”

It’s simple: Follow a proven plan and actually FOLLOW it.

If you’re not following a plan, don’t be surprised when your bookshelf turns out to be messed up.